I was getting ready for a date at work a while ago, and my coworkers asked who I was going on a date with. I pulled out my phone and opened his Instagram profile and struggled to find a picture I liked of him to show them. I said, “You’re not going to think he’s cute”. Immediately as I said that my coworker exclaimed that she didn’t understand why girls do that. I realized she was right. If you’re investing your time and energy into someone, regardless if it’s just a first date, you ought to be proud, excited, or open-minded. I was already setting myself up for failure with this date by being extremely superficial and closed-minded.
Dating is superficial at first. You’re not going to carry on a conversation with someone that you don’t find intriguing… you’re going to naturally pursue someone you’re attracted to. If there’s mutual attraction, then that’s where you see if you have common goals, morals, and some chemistry (a.k.a go on some dates).
The way I’ve gone about dating is to always give somebody a chance, you never know what they might bring to the table. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t give my number out like it’s free candy. This guy who was taking me out on a date asked for my number roughly three times before I decided to give it to him.
So what changed my mind? His persistence. Even though I wasn’t ultimately attracted to him at first, I liked his determination. After a few dates with him, he became more attractive to me and I bragged about him to my coworkers and friends. I enjoyed that he would take my out publicly, show some subtle affection, and that he would call me on the phone even if he was around friends. This showed me that he was proud to have me.
My most recent ex-boyfriend would never show me off. When it came to dates, we did the simple movie night or go out to eat. He worked in the club, but refused to take me with him. I was never shown on his social media, however, I would see pictures of him with random girls on his Instagram every week. I was kept in the dark and a secret from everyone. I know what you’re thinking, what the hell was she doing with this loser? I ask myself the same question looking back on that relationship, but I don’t regret it. He taught me a lot… just because it’s what you’re offered doesn’t mean that’s what you’re worth.
He taught me that if a man is not showing you off he’s either embarrassed by you, is juggling other women on the side, or is not fully committed. Vise versa for women. Some could argue that it’s for privacy, but I believe you can still profess your attraction for someone even if you are a private person.
It sounds silly, but if you’re not crazy about the person, then why are you with them?
Personally, if you’re not showing me off or making it clear that you’re proud to have me by your side, don’t even bother. Taking that into account, my coworker taught me that I ought to do the same. I think professing your attraction is extremely important and should be communicated directly towards whomever you’re dating at first, and to the world when it gets more serious.
Know your worth and don’t settle for someone who doesn’t treat you like the grand prize.