Dating sucks. It can be fun, but sometimes it gives me the biggest headache. It gives me a bigger headache when I catch myself or one of my girlfriends making the same mistakes when it comes to dating.
Many women for some reason naturally overcompensate and lose themselves too quickly in the beginning of the relationship. We all have the one friend that disappears the moment they get a boyfriend, and then comes crawling back 3 months later after they break up like nothing every happened.
I’ve taken note of the many reoccurring mistakes women make when it comes to dating, and how to fix them:
Forget Their Own Interests
He likes you for a reason, aside from your face and body. Having your own interests, routine, and way of life is what makes you stand out from the rest of the women. If you’re in a book club, don’t stop attending your weekly meetings because he wants to watch Game of Thrones. Or if you have yoga class every Wednesday night and he wants to take you to dinner on that night, tell him to work around it.
Don’t stop your world and everyday routine for a man you’ve just started dating. Continue to focus on yourself, your goals, work, and own interests.
Ditch Their Friends
This one bothers me the most out of all of these common dating mistakes.
A couple weeks ago I went out with a couple of girls and a majority of them had boyfriends. They weren’t able to fully enjoy themselves, left early, and some were even crying because their boyfriends didn’t like them out at night.
Let me point something very crucial… if a guy has guys night, he’s not canceling a night out with his boys for anything. If you say you need help folding laundry, he’s still going. If he’s going to Vegas for the weekend, you can blow up his phone all you want, but he’s not going to come home sooner.
So why do we women ditch our girlfriends or cancel plans to be with a guy? He’s still going to like you if you see him after your set plans. He may even find it sexy, too.
He wants to invest his time in a woman, not a puppy that will roll over and play dead on command.
Social Media Stalk
It’s pretty simple, if you’re not exclusively dating then you’re probably going to see something you’re not going to like. There were girls before you, he has female friends, and he is a human so he socializes through direct messages and comments on pictures. Spending your time trying to see who he may have been interested with in the past or if he met someone new over the weekend is a waste of your time.
You’re making yourself paranoid, filling your insecurities, and not making room for growth and trust.
Girls will comment on his photos, and his response is a reflection on the value he has for your growing relationship. If she’s a friend, he’ll tell you. However, if he’s putting flirty emoji’s on many girls photos, that’s a reflag you shouldn’t ignore.
*Side Note* Try to avoid subliminal messages on social media too. It’s immature. If you want to get his attention or if something’s on your mind, just tell him.
Attempt to be “One of The Guys”
Those are HIS friends. Not yours. You can have mutual friends and keep it cordial, but don’t have all of his friends numbers and think your “besties”.
How would you feel if your man had all of your girlfriends numbers and was texting them to grab lunch? I would imagine uncomfortable.
At the end of the day, his friends will always have his back first. So if you and your man are in an argument and you confide with his buddies… they’re most likely going to relay the message back to him.
Stick to your own friends, be nice to his, and try not to tag along to every football game with the boys.
Put All Their Cards on The Table Too Soon
Everything must be earned. Whether it’s sex, a home cooked meal, or tickets to a basketball game. If you spoil him right away, he’s either going to think you’re easy, desperate, or both.
If you make him a four course meal and slaved hours over it, and you haven’t been dating him for more than a month, you’re overcompensating. If a man bought you a Chanel bag on a second date, you’d either think that you don’t have to do much to get more out of him or that he does this for everybody.
Don’t tell him your whole life story, the bad breakups you had that shaped you, or how much weight you want to lose right away. You don’t want to scare him away. Think of it like this: if a movie trailer gives the ending away, are you going to spend money and sit in a theatre to watch it? Didn’t think so.
Be confident, act like the queen you are, and watch him prove himself that he’s worthy of your time and attention.