I think one of the hardest things we have to do in life besides pass statistics in college, is dating.
Dating is not what it used to be anymore. I’ve done my fair share of reading, and barely any of the books and articles cover how to tackle new relationships with the added factor of social media and technology.
Technology has become a predominant part of our everyday lives. We carry our cell phones with us everywhere, and that’s how we are able to “stay connected” to people we want to talk to and form relationships with. We have become so attached to technology that we have this burning desire to control our emotions, time, and technology. When our crush doesn’t respond to our text in a timely matter, we start having anxiety. So what do we do? We do our best to avoid that uncomfortable emotion by maybe deleting the text or maybe swiping right on tinder.
We now have so much depth and emotions in our text messages. The significance of timing and what emoji you use can make ALL the difference… I can’t tell you how often my girlfriends and I read over messages with each other, and give advice on what to send back.
We seek validation and reassurance from this new code we’ve developed. Studies show that we get a hit of dopamine when we receive a text message or hear a notification from our cell phones, and even more so we hope it’s from someone we like.
We are also now putting in minimal effort into our relationships.
It used to be that we would write long love letters and send flowers, today it is merely a good morning text and posting a picture together on Instagram.
We have so much control on how we respond through technology, that we struggle to communicate in person, and now many even avoid it at all costs. For example, we can preview texts and think of a response on our own time, but in a face to face conversation, we don’t have the luxury of sitting back and responding when we feel like it.
Humans have become so dependent upon technology, and we expect for people to pick up or text back at certain times. However, when they break this code, we put ourselves in a state of anxiety and panic. We begin to feel that we cannot resolve something later, and that it must be corrected right then and there. Everything will fall apart or minds and feelings will change over the course of an hour without speaking.
In my opinion, our use of technology has greatly impacted our perceptions of love and courtship. Instead of a date coming and knocking on my door, I get a text saying he’s outside. If I don’t hear from a guy that I like for three days, I assume he likes someone else or has lost interest.
It seems that we are mediating just about everything, and it’s things that we shouldn’t be, like time, love and communication.
Love = Time + Communication.
Time and communication are the two things you can’t reverse, erase, or do-over.
Yet we desire to speed everything up, and we don’t say what we really feel.
How can we truly find love if we are constantly trying to speed up the process?